Kearney Kids Parenting Show
First Baptist Church Kearney’s very own Minister of Children, Abraham Leonard, interviews pastors and authors on the subject of parenting, seeking to learn from their insights. We hope and pray that this resource is transformative for your parenting!
Kearney Kids Parenting Show
Parenting: Travis Black
Listen in as Pastor Travis Black shares his helpful parenting insights from the trenches. He shares his recent and ongoing experiences as a parent and how he continually fights the challenges parenting poses.
Hello, welcome to the Kearney Kids Parenting Show. I am your host, Abraham Leonard, Minister of Children at First Baptist Church Kearney. I am so glad that you have joined us. Welcome to the show, Pastor Travis Black. How are you doing? I'm doing well. Well, could you tell us a little bit about your family, your ministry, and just how you're doing?
SPEAKER_01:Sure. Well, you know a lot of this, but for the sake of people who don't know me, yeah, Travis Black, my family. I got my wife, Clara. We've been married for 10 years now, and we've got four daughters. I'll give you their nicknames. It's So we're right in the thick of it at the moment. My title is Associate Pastor for Worship and Young Adults here at Kearney. Ministry-wise, I've been here seven years, and in that time we've had all four girls and the church is doing really well. It's a pleasure to serve here with the staff that we serve with. And yeah, my main area of responsibility is worship ministries, music, service planning, and everything that goes along with that. But then secondarily, I've started a Sunday school class for young adults, taught that class for a while, taught a different class for young adults, and now, last few years, I've actually been focused on senior adult ministry and helping to stabilize that and make sure that they have everything that they need. So, yeah, main area, worship ministries, and then just everything else.
SPEAKER_00:Well, that is great, and I enjoy serving alongside of you for the few months that I've got to do so. Could you tell us just start by telling us a good parenting memory, maybe a couple of good parenting memories that you have. Yeah. So actually, my
SPEAKER_01:wife and I were in the Chick-fil-A line last night, and I said, oh, I need help. Can you help me answer these questions real quick? So I got my cheat sheet here from my wife and my conversation yesterday. So she was helping me jog my memory a little bit. And yeah, we've done family worship for years, kind of spotty sometimes. We're really good about it sometimes and not as good about it at other times. But for the most part, we try to maintain just a very brief family worship after dinner. A lot of times, now that they're really doing homeschool, a lot of their Bible and family worship type stuff happens during the day. But after dinner, a lot of times we'll sing a song, we'll read a passage of scripture, and we'll pray. Just a few small things. It takes like seven minutes. My girls are little, and that's about as long as their attention spans are when it comes to those kind of things. So family worship has been really, really a joy. Della, my oldest, is seven now, but when she was really little, we started this when it was just the three of us, just my wife, me, and Della. And for some reason, she really latched onto the song, I'll Fly Away, which depending on your theology, you may not actually believe in the literal sense, which is a little funny. But she loved that song. And for some reason, she really attached herself to it. And we sang that just about every night where I would drum on the table to give us a little bit of a beat. And I got to the point where we would sing the chorus a second time, like double time, like a bluegrassy hoedown where you do the offbeat thing. Anyway, if you're not a musician, that means nothing to you. But one of my favorite memories is we'd sing the song, we'd get all the way through it like normal, and then we'd stop for a second and she'd look at us and she'd say, double time? Because she couldn't say double time. I loved that so much. Double time, she'd say. Oh man, growing up with her though, or her growing up, she had a few of those. She also loved this show called Super Why, and it's all about reading. These superheroes read things and read stories and that kind of thing. Well, she couldn't say Super Why, and the song, the theme song goes, Super Why, Super Why. Well, I hear that over and over again throughout the day, and she loved it, and she would say, Hippu Da. That was how she pronounced Super Why. So, I'd walk in and sing, Hippu Da, Hippu Da, and she thought that was hilarious. And even to this day, because of how Della pronounced it, we We almost can't say the word, I got to get it right, spaghetti correctly. Because for her entire life, she's called it scabetti. And now I have a really hard time when I'm talking to regular adults not calling spaghetti scabetti. And that's a real problem for me. But that's also, I love that memory. You said one or two, but I'll give you one more. This is the big one. In February of this year, I delivered... My fourth child, and most of the people in our church know that because Pastor Ken announced it on a Sunday, and now everybody calls me Dr. Black, which is crazy. I am not. I am not a doctor in any sense. No, that's a long story, and I'll spare you the details, but it was, my goodness, just a... a wild experience, and it was a whirlwind, and help was on the way. It wasn't the plan. I wasn't the planned person to be there, just me and my wife welcoming our fourth girl into the world, but I'm the one. I don't know about talent, but I happened to be there at the... I guess you could say the right time. No, help was about 10 minutes away. They were coming, and yeah, it Uh, Minty just came way faster than we thought she would. So I ended up catching her and I'm the first human being in the world who saw her little face, um, this side of the womb. And yeah, that was a, that was a special experience. And I think I'll have a, just a special memory and a special bond with my fourth daughter, um, just because of that.
UNKNOWN:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, that's really cool, and I like how you mentioned singing with your girls. I enjoyed singing with my family growing up, and I remember as we grew older, we were able to play instruments along, and we'd have little family worship sessions in the living room, and I always enjoy doing
SPEAKER_01:that. I love the idea of that. I mean, I'm about to start my daughter on piano lessons, and I'm going to be her teacher. We'll see how much she likes that, but... I just love the idea of just encouraging them to just grow musically. Of course, grow in the Lord. Our biggest prayer for our girls is that they'll be saved. But yeah, I just, there's something about family music that's special. So we'll enjoy that too.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. Well, now that we talked about some of your good parenting memories that you've had, could you tell us about some hard times that you've had as a parent and how you've overcame those hard times?
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, so hard times, I mean, some things are ongoing. For example, a ministry family, a lot of pastoral families, or even military families, people who move away for a calling or for whatever else, you guys will understand this, but just not having a family real close by, that's really hard. My wife grew up in Hannibal, Missouri, which is across the state. It's only about a three-hour drive, but three hours is long enough that we just don't make it over there all the time. A couple times a year, and her mom's not close. My wife and her mom are on the phone with each other just about every single day, and it's hard for her, especially, being home with the girls, just not having close family support. Now, that's not to say that our church family doesn't support us. We've got some just incredible, incredible people here who have offered and offered and offered to take some of the burden off of Clara and, you know, take the girls for some time and that kind of thing. And I'm so grateful for that. It's never quite the same as having your mom right there though. And that's something that she really misses. It's really hard for her, which makes it really hard for all of us to just not have family close. But, you know, that's just part of part of being a ministry family sometimes is the Lord calls you to a certain place and your family may or may not be right there with you. So that's hard. It's not something we've overcome necessarily. It's something we kind of have ups and downs with as far as like how it makes us feel. Yeah. But we just try to be faithful where we are and and do the best we can with the people who are here and helping us. And yeah, we have some hard days, but a lot of times we get breaks from people who are just kind enough to take the girls for a little while. So that's a hard thing. But a couple other things, you know, my wife, after we had a couple of children, she had a miscarriage and that was really hard for us both to deal with. That'll be really raw for some people to hear because miscarriage is a lot more common than people talk about. It's kind of a hard subject to talk about. And something my wife had to get through was just the feeling of shame that goes with that. And it's not... Of course, it's not her fault. It's not. But there's just some deep-seated, deep-rooted shame that the enemy just throws at a woman who's had a miscarriage. Not every single woman who's had a miscarriage, but that is a common thread. When we've been... open about that with people and we hear other people say that that is just a common thread through the story is that people feel shame about that and um Boy, it's hard to talk about for a lot of people. So we've come to the point where we're open about that. And, you know, it was a really hard time. And there was guilt that came along with that. But I think my wife has done a really good job of overcoming that through prayer, through talking about it with other people and other people who have experienced the same thing. Miscarriage is awful. It's a tragic, tragic thing. But just recognizing that she's not alone. and that it's not her fault. And really coming to grips with that, that was really helpful. And then, yeah, I mean, one other thing, our second born, her name's Lissy, she's had a medical journey. Nothing that's like life-altering for her in a big way, but she was diagnosed with epilepsy as a kid. She had a few seizures. And that's, you know, four months old, she had her first seizure. I think it was four months old. And that was really hard, like a traditional sort of grand mal seizure. She had... six to eight seizures, which that's six or eight more than we ever wanted one of our daughters to have. Diagnosed with epilepsy, we spent a lot of time in the hospitals going through tests and that kind of thing. Eventually, after multiple tests, we got a genetic test back and she was diagnosed with something called 22Q. It's called DeGeorge syndrome. It's got a couple different names, but basically a piece of her 22nd chromosome is missing. The information's just not there. 22Q affects what they call midline structures. So if you think about your body from, you know, nose down to belly button, like everything right in the center of you can be affected by 22Q. So for her, what that means is, and there's a broad, broad spectrum of symptoms that can go along with 22Q. So they just kind of do a bunch of individual tests to say, yep, her eyes are good. Yep, her nose is good. Yep, her heart is good, her lungs, all that stuff. They did a ton of tests Lots and lots of medical visits. And she's basically fine. Basically, the biggest thing for her is a speech delay. And that's a pretty common symptom of 22Q is that she just has a really hard time figuring out, like she understands when you're talking to her, her receptive language is just fine. But to form the words with the muscles of her mouth, her brain and her mouth just don't communicate properly to get to where she can actually speak. She understands you fine. And she knows, boy, let me tell you, she knows what you're saying to her. And I know that she knows. But sometimes she tries to take advantage and pretend like she doesn't know what you're saying and just do what she wants to do anyway. She knows how to use her situation sometimes. It's kind of funny. But yeah, those have been some hard things. And the question, how do you overcome those? I don't know that we have overcome a lot of those things. Some of it, like grief or miscarriage, is something that just hits you in waves. It comes at you in different ways at different times, and you don't ever really overcome it. You just deal with it. You pray through it. You lean on the people you got to lean on. And sometimes things You get a diagnosis for a daughter, and you recognize that's going to be a lifelong thing that she'll deal with. I don't know that there's overcoming that. There's an attempt to give it to the Lord in faith, and just do your very best to live each day in faith, right where you are, treating each situation as best you can to the glory of the Lord. Yeah, I mean, we have good days and bad days with each of these things, so it's just ongoing.
UNKNOWN:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:Hmm. That's really, really, um, neat how you shared, how you shared, how you just continually struggle, struggle with those things. And you probably will continue to struggle with those things. Um, yeah. Ongoing. I appreciate, uh, how you honestly shared that. Um, If you're going to go back in time, so before you're first born, was born, and you were going to give yourself some parenting advice, what would that advice be? What would you tell yourself, Travis, do this? Or maybe there's a couple of things that you would have told yourself.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. So as my wife and I were sitting in the Chick-fil-A line, she got to this question. I was like, oh, I'm good. I don't need help on this one. Because I am so keenly aware of one of my biggest flaws with my daughters. And it is, boy, I can get so, so quickly, I can get annoyed and a little bit edgy with my girls, you know? Because it feels like when they misbehave, it's... It's almost like it's got to be on purpose. It's intentional. It's an annoyance to me because I've already told you a hundred times not to or to do this or whatever else. And man, that's a hard thing. If I could go back in time, and honestly, that's another one that's ongoing. Boy, could I be better about that. I've mellowed a lot, especially having four children. My house is very loud. Just, you know, you can imagine four little girls. As a side note, by the way, because it's so loud, sometimes when I play with them, I literally put earmuffs on my head just so I can not go crazy with the screaming. They think it's funny, so at least it's not going to be a complex for them. But anyway, yeah, if I could go back in time, seven years ago when Della was first born, and if I could just sit myself down and say, Travis, they're sensitive. They're little girls. They're sensitive little souls, and they're sinners. And they don't misbehave because they necessarily intend to. They're just children, right? So be patient. Be kind. Don't let that edge get into your voice so quickly. You know, sometimes children need to be firmly corrected. I think more often than not, what they need is tenderness, gentleness. Yeah. Like just a tender guide rather than a firm, strict, edgy disciplinarian. And I have a really hard time with that. I really do. You know, that's something I could remember better. just how sensitive little girls are and how quickly I can just be annoyed by perceived misbehaviors. And a lot of times, honestly, man, some of the misbehaviors aren't even necessarily misbehaviors. They might just be annoyances to me. And I can get edgy about that too. It's something I continually pray about, something I need to continually work on. And man, even when my wife points it out, oftentimes it's totally warranted, but that can also get to me in those moments. And I know that's a flaw of mine. I'm right in the middle of being annoyed with something my daughter's done and my wife's like, hey, just take a breath. And that kind of gets me going too. And I'm like, no, Travis, humble yourself to the point where you can receive that criticism, even in that moment, and just breathe, relax. They're little girls.
UNKNOWN:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Don't be so hard on them. That's something I can continually learn, but something, yeah, if I could get a jumpstart on that seven years ago, that'd be really helpful too.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, yeah, for sure. That was really helpful advice that I think other people can benefit from as well. Well, as we kind of draw our conversation to a close, could you tell us a funny parenting story, or maybe you have a couple funny parenting stories that you'd like to share with us?
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, I mean, so we've got four girls. Del is our oldest, and she was the one that would do dabu time and play. Scabetti. Gosh, I cannot say that word right anymore. You know, that's always fun stuff. But Ari, our third born, she's the comedian, man. And I think she's a class clown on purpose, but sometimes I think she's funny when she's not even meaning to be. We took a trip down to see my parents. They're about four hours away. Clara's side's about three hours away. And we took a trip down for a weekend to hang out with my mom and dad. And there's a splash pad close to their hometown, and we took the girls over there for a little while. When we got back, Nana and Papa asked Ari, you know, how was the splash pad? And, uh, you know, she, she was telling him about it, how much fun it was. And, uh, they had some bees flying around their flower pots right in the front porch. And, you know, my dad asking, just to be funny, like, oh, were there any bees there? Were there any bees at the splash pad? And Ari said, no, bees don't have swimsuits. Like, she was really upset that that question was even asked because it should be so obvious that bees weren't there because they don't own swimsuits. That's why they're not at the splash pad, which is hilarious. In that same trip, too, by the way, she gave us another, just another golden one-liner. they were eating dinner and my kids eat slow sometimes we just leave them at the table for a little while once we're done because we're just not going to sit there for an hour while they piddle around with their plate um but yeah they ari after a couple of us had already gotten up and we told them all right you got to sit there and you got to eat your food you have to make a happy plate you got to do your thing there um she just started to cry and cry and cry and we knew like we knew what it was she didn't want to eat it and that's fine but my my mom walked over and nana asked ari you know why are you crying so much and ari said i can't I can't like my food. Like it wasn't even a choice. She's incapable of liking her food. I can't like my food. That one got our funny bone pretty good too. Yeah, she's the comedian, man. There's a whole sea of Ari-isms that we could throw at you. She's always got some one-liner, some funny thing. One from Lissy, my second-born. She's got that speech delay, so she can't really speak well. But she's also a major, major introvert and just a mega homebody. If she could just stay home all the time, she'd be fine. And when she's in a situation where she's remotely uncomfortable, she just shuts down. We know that now. We didn't know that when we went to the Fun Farm, which is the local pumpkin patch here, and we took Della and Lissy. They were the only two we had back then. Lissy was like two years old. And we were at the fun farm for a few hours, again, with my parents. They came up to go to the pumpkin patch with us. And she just seemed ill all day. They've got little wheelbarrows you can push your pumpkins around in and stuff. But, you know, we throw the girls in and just push the girls around in the wheelbarrows. And Della's having fun. She was doing the pumpkin patch things and enjoying it. They had little rides, little bucket train thing and that kind of stuff. And the whole time, Lissy just in the wheelbarrow, deadpan face and just looking just pitiful i thought she was sick we all thought she was not feeling well well after the few hours that we were there we were getting them back in their car seat and she lit up huge smile real bright eyed again all that stuff and we were like oh she's okay she must be feeling better and she was saying ah done ah done no all day long the only thing She was just mad. She wasn't feeling bad. She was just mad that she was there, out of her home and in a place she didn't want to be. And we thought this kid was literally sick, ill, feverish or something. No, she's just a mega homebody. And she lit up. She was cooing in the backseat saying, all done, all done for the drive home. And as soon as we got home, she's totally fine again. We thought she was actually sick, but no, she just didn't want to be there. And that was pretty funny too, the all done. as she singsonged all the way back home.
SPEAKER_00:Well, those are some good, funny parenting stories and a good note to end on. On behalf of all the listeners and myself, I would like to thank you for being on the show. You bet. Thank you for joining me. I hope this was an encouragement to you. Please follow the show, leave a review, and share it with the people around you.