Kearney Kids Parenting Show
First Baptist Church Kearney’s very own Minister of Children, Abraham Leonard, interviews pastors and authors on the subject of parenting, seeking to learn from their insights. We hope and pray that this resource is transformative for your parenting!
Kearney Kids Parenting Show
Parenting: Nathan Parbarcus
Listen in on a conversation between First Baptist Church Kearney's Minister of Children, Abraham Leonard, and Pastor Nathan Parbarcus as he shares some of his parenting insights with the world.
Hello, welcome to the Kearney Kids Parenting Show. I am your host, Abraham Leonard, Minister of Children at First Baptist Church Kearney. I am so glad that you have joined us. Welcome to the show, Pastor Nathan Pobarkas. Could you tell us a little bit about your family, your ministry, and just how you're doing? Hello,
SPEAKER_01:Abe. Hey, I am doing really well. I really am. And I know Abe, Abraham from Kabul, where he used to, he grew up and graduated high school from. And this is a long overdue conversation that we've had needed to have because we used to get together pretty often when you were in high school. We meet at the coffee house, talk about sermons, talk about ministry. Yeah, just a few months ago. Hey, it feels like a lifetime ago, man. Come back. No, I'm joking. But like I, it's really, I'm, It's a blessing to be a part of your podcast. It's a blessing to see you and to talk ministry, talk about being a parent. I by no means am a professional parent. I know there's no such thing, but I'm still learning. And so I've been married for 20 plus years to my beautiful wife, Colleen. She graduated from Kabul and I met her in college. We both went to St. Louis Christian College, and I graduated with a preaching degree. She got a missions degree. And then we began professional ministry up in Chicago, and I served as the youth minister there for three and a half years. And that's where we had our firstborn born, Jeremiah. He's now 17 years old. He is... So like me in so many different ways. Um, I mean he's very unique but like some of the good things that uh that I Have garnered in my own life. Uh, he exemplifies and some of the bad things. Unfortunately He has exemplified too, but he's way smarter than I ever was at that age and he'll Definitely surpass me as a grown man but I uh was in ministry in Chicago for three and a half years in Chicago. And then we moved to Kansas City, Lee Summit area, and lived there for six years. That's where our second child was born, Hallie. And Hallie is 12 now. She is just like her mother, both in stature and She is just like her mother in her demeanor. She's quick-witted. She is funny. She picks on me all the time, just like her mother. But she is, yeah, just like her mother. And then we moved to Kabul, southern Missouri, about four hours from Kansas City. Let's see, was that 2013? Yeah. We have been serving as youth minister there. My position has changed since. I'm an associate, so I oversee education as well. But we got into foster care. I felt like God was leading us that way. And we were able to foster a couple of kids, but we were able to adopt one of them. And her name is Leah. And she is amazing. So different than our other two kids in all the right ways. And she has high energy. She is so smart. She's absolutely wonderful. So my family's doing great, Abe. We actually had a chance to serve our local high school and I guess the whole school district here at our church just a few moments ago. We served them lunch. They have in-teacher training days. And so We were able to serve our community and our local school district there. And so, yeah, ministry's going well. Family's going well. All things are good, man.
SPEAKER_00:That's great. That's great. So you talked about Jeremiah and Hallie and Leah. Could you tell us about maybe some good parenting memories that you've had with them? Different people on the show have said, well, I have so many, it's hard to choose. But maybe could you pick out one or a couple of your favorite parenting ministries with your children?
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, for sure. I thought of some. And again, there's a lot. How do you highlight just a few? But I'm going to try to. Like my son, again, 17. I remember the first time I got to see him, I was just bursting with pride. He was the firstborn. He was a boy. He was, man, he was, it was wonderful to be a first-time parent. And then, like, Seeing him grow up has been wonderful. The 13th birthday sort of stands out to me because we like to do something for when our kids turn 13 to do a special trip with a parent or with the family. And so Jeremiah and I went to Disney World to see all the Star Wars things. And so it was really cool to have that moment with Jeremiah. Just me and him for four or five days or three or four days there in Orlando. But I also, for Jeremiah, I got to see him preach on a Sunday morning for Youth Sunday. That was a huge blessing to me. And I was encouraged by his word. And then just recently, I got to teach him how to drive. And so that was like nervous. I was nervous. He was nervous. We try not to yell. I try to play it cool. But like there was moments when it was hard to hold my tongue.
SPEAKER_00:I remember when my dad taught me how to drive, and there was moments when he couldn't hold his tongue as well. Us dads, we like to pump
SPEAKER_01:the brake like we're able to do it. And obviously, I mean, he was fine. We were fine. Everything was okay, but it was scary. For my second child, I remember gasping the first time I got to see her. Just her beauty. I was just in awe. Just so beautiful. And then there's lots of moments that I've had with Hallie. She went through a... She's... She went through a phase, I guess, where every Sunday morning I'm practicing for morning worship and she would be running down the aisle in her dress, her Sunday best, and she'd run up on the stage while I'm playing guitar and she would give me a big hug and I lean over and she'd give me a kiss. And that went on for years, has gone on for years. which is a huge blessing. And then recently I taught her how to play drums. And so she's playing with the youth house band at our local church. So that's really, really cool. Really cool. And then for Leah, her, her adoption day and that, um, like there was a lot of highs and lows with adopting Leah, uh, going through the whole process of foster care more than just this podcast could, um, could contain. But just to be able to celebrate every year her adoption and celebrate her and her story, that's something we look forward to every July. And then I put her to bed every night, me and her, so we reread a chapter from a chapter book and we say her memory verses. She is just full of energy, like I said, but we like to go fishing and so one of her things that she likes to do is when we get um carve up the fish to eat she likes to take the dead carcass and throw it at me and she just thinks that's funny and that's really weird and random but that's that's what we do
SPEAKER_00:yeah well that's awesome um sounds like you've had a lot of sweet memories sweet memories with all your kids um now that we talked about some good memories that you've had with your kids could you tell us about maybe some hard times that you've gone through as a parent and how you've overcame those hard times
SPEAKER_01:Well, so I talked to my wife because I was like, I don't know how to answer this one. I mean, in the grand scheme of things, Abe, like we have a pretty good, like our family has never gone through financial hardship. I mean, there's been times that it's been tight, but God has always provided, families provided, churches always provided for us. I mean, our kids are healthy. I know that's, That can be a big hurdle for a lot of families dealing with chronic illness or a death in the family. And we haven't had that. So for us, difficult moments or hard times, it's basically the daily grind. And we're no different than any other parent. But it's that daily commitment to being the best parent, the best husband, the best Christ follower I can be on a daily basis. basis like there's no moment where I can just check out from being a parent like I'm on 24-7 so that I mean hard times I don't I don't think there is too many like when there is difficult moments it's usually by our own doing like we over schedule or we are too busy and we over commit and we just we do it to ourselves and like seriously like we're we're in a good shape and we've been very blessed as a family through good times and bad, but our family's been, it's that daily commitment, I guess, is really the hardest thing for us as a family of being faithful to the commitments we've made as a family and as a Christ follower.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, that's good. I guess that would kind of describe some of my hardest moments is that There are things that I brought on myself, mostly commitments, over committing to things. And so I like how you said that. I think that could be the case for a lot of parents that just have a semi-normal kind of go at things. They don't have a lot of crazy chronic illnesses or things, but it's just waking up and being normal. the person that you're supposed to be. So that's really good that you mentioned that. Yeah. Just to add on to
SPEAKER_01:something, I guess I'm still learning this lesson is learning how to say no. Again, I'm not very good at it. I love serving both in a professional manner here at the church, but also just as a person, I like to help people. So to say no is, is really hard for me. It's hard for our family, but like we have to allow space to minister to our wife. We have to allow space to minister to our kids. And like cliche for sure, but like you spell love, T-I-M-E, like that time is what the best gift we can give to our family. And so saying no is hugely important.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. Well, if you were going to go back in time to before Jeremiah came into the world, and you were going to give yourself parenting advice, what would it be?
SPEAKER_01:All right, I got a whole bunch. Again, still learning these lessons. They're convicting to me, mostly because I struggle with them, and... but I know them to be true. I see them in scripture. I see them played out in practical life. I've lived through some of these advices. And so this is hopefully from a parent that's been through some stuff that can hopefully encourage others. So here's my first one. You want to be a good parent? Marry well. Seriously, like my wife is amazing and she is, a partner, not just in ministry for my own life or here at the church, but we co-parent. Like, it's not just, hey, I have my work and your work is at home. By no means is that the case. We are parents together. And so being united as a couple having the same priorities as a husband and wife and things that we're going to value and want to make sure our kids value. You got to be yoked with a spouse who values the same things that you do. So I've made very well. Colleen's amazing. The things that she's good at, she's really good at. And there's things that, like humans, we are, there's things that she has weaknesses, but it's amazing how God sort of aligns her weaknesses are sort of my strengths and vice versa. And so we are definitely a good balance as a group of, as a parents for our kids. So marry well, that's hugely important. Second thing, and I alluded to this earlier, is the fact that you need to be present. I work at the church. I put in eight to four, and sometimes the days are shorter. Some days are very long. It's just sort of an eclectic week's work schedule. But when I come home, I don't check out. I can't check out. That's when the work begins. And I'm not trying to make it sound like it's all work and no fun by no means my kids are amazing and they bring me so much joy
SPEAKER_00:yeah
SPEAKER_01:but i have to be present i can't just flip open the phone and play clash of clans i can't just um i check out i have to be present one of the things that our family does together and it's not original to our family at all but we we try to eat dinner together And we don't eat in the living room and watch TV. We sit down at the table. And sometimes it's just frozen pizza. Sometimes it's a big, nice, fancy dinner. But we try to do it together. And that takes being intentional. And I think that's really critical, Abe, is that part of just being a good parent is knowing the outcome that you want your children to have and then taking the steps daily to striving to meet that end. I have a whole bunch more, but what are your thoughts?
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, I mean, you mentioned Clash of Clans, and I've recently been introduced to that and have started that. That's what you think, Abe? No, I'm just messing with you. I have started playing some Clash of Clans, though. No, that was good. Again, you know, just that you've got to wake up and you've got to be the parent that... that you're supposed to be that's really helpful. You talked about how that can be a challenge earlier, and you talked about how that is one thing that you've just been trying to do is to wake up every day and to be present, to be there for your kids and to just... to just parent. And I think that that's some very practical advice that is helpful for me as I think about possibly becoming a parent in the future and for the people that are listening to this episode.
SPEAKER_01:Well, I got a couple more. I want to make sure because I want to make sure you hear this, Abraham. To me, the moments I'm closest to my kids that We sit down at their beds and I think it's good and healthy to sometimes, not sometimes, but to admit your faults to your kids because that shows them that you're not a perfect person. I'm not talking about confessing all your sins to your kids, but if you've made a mistake as a parent, like it is healthy and good to show that you as an adult make mistakes as well. So sometimes just being vulnerable and not putting the Superman suit on for your kids and just saying, Hey, like I struggle with this as well. And this is what I'm working through. Um, lastly, uh, maybe I, I, I buried the lead a little bit here, but I think most importantly, as parents, we have to be the Christ follower that you want your children to be. Like if we, Like as a Christian parent, I want my kids to have a saving faith and to know Christ and to live for him. And the best way to encourage that is to exemplify that. And so like if you want your children to love God's word, read the Bible to them. Read the Bible yourself, having a daily devotion. I remember my parents, I'd walk in and I'd see my mom read the Bible, and I thought, oh, why is she doing up so early? But that made an impression, her reading her Bible. If you want your kids to value prayer and communicating with God, then pray with them. Be the Christ follower you want your kids to be. They will pick it up more than you realize. At least that's my hope. Yeah, that's some advice I got.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, that's awesome. And that's for being not only a disciple maker of your children, but being a disciple maker, period, is being followable, being someone that someone else can follow. And so I really think that was helpful. As we draw this conversation together, to a close. I want to end on a funnier note. I know that we've had some good banter thus far, but I want to end on a funnier note. Could you tell us maybe one or a couple of your favorite funny parenting stories?
SPEAKER_01:Well, like every family, we have our family stories, and this one's of Jeremiah. He was a young kid. We were living in Kansas City at the time before Hallie was born. And just, we got... We got done with our adult small group, and we were meeting at a house. And Jeremiah at the time, he's about four years old. He's in the back seat in the car seat. He's talking just a little bit. He was a slow talker early in life. And so me and Colleen were in the front seat, and we're driving home from our small group time. And Jeremiah from the back seat, little four-year-old boy, says, dork. And we ignore it. But then he kept saying it over and over again. Dork. And Colleen, being the good parent she's trying to be, she says, hey, Jeremiah, we don't call people dorks. And Jeremiah kept saying, dork. And my wife, she's so patient, but she wasn't having it. She was going into this. dialogue, monologue of, hey, Jeremiah, we don't call people names. That's not nice. And he kept saying, dork, dork. And she's getting upset. She's almost to the point where she's going to ask me to pull over so she can spank our oldest. And he keeps saying, dork. And finally, just little Jeremiah, four-year-old voice peeping out from the back of the car says, mama, it's dork outside. And And obviously he's saying dark, not dork. And we felt horrible that we misunderstood him. And we thought he was calling us a dork, but really he was just saying that, hey, it's dark outside. And so just a huge parent fail. And we have others, but man, that one jumps
SPEAKER_00:out to me. Yeah, that's good. Well, on behalf of all the listeners and myself, I want to say thank you for being able to be on the show today. Thank you for joining me. I hope this was an encouragement to you. Please follow the show, leave a review, and share it with the people around you.