Parenting: Jon Oettel

Minister of Children, Abraham Leonard, interviewed Pastor Jon Oettel on the topic of parenting. Listen to Pastor Jon Oettel share helpful insights with the world!

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:00

Hello,

SPEAKER_01: 0:11

welcome to the Kearney Kids Parenting Show. I am your host, Abraham Leonard, Minister of Children at First Baptist Church Kearney. I am so glad that you have joined us.

UNKNOWN: 0:25

Music

SPEAKER_01: 0:37

Welcome to the show, Pastor John O'Eddle, aka Just John. How are you doing? Doing well, Abraham. Thanks for asking. Having a good day. Well, could you tell us a little bit about your family, your ministry, and just how you're doing?

SPEAKER_00: 0:52

Yeah, so... Doing well overall. Family's doing well right now. The kids are at camp. Lacey's at camp as a leader. They're enjoying their time. Married about 20 years. Be 21 in December. So Lacey and I have been enjoying life together. We have two teenagers. We have a 14-year-old and a 17-year-old. Anna will be heading into her senior year this next year, and Josiah will be a freshman. And yeah, my ministry began... I was a lay minister growing up, working with children, and then I was a teacher by trade and ministry by call into children's ministry. For the first five years of being a pastor, I was a children's pastor, and the second five was associate pastor, and that was up at Calvary Community Church in St. Cloud, Minnesota. That's home for me. And in the last couple of years, I've been here in Kansas City in Kearney, and we've been here a couple of years at First Baptist. I've been here three years in August as an attendee, and then just over two years on staff as one of the pastors. My fancy title is executive pastor, and so I get to do a lot of different things, overseeing a lot of different ministries. Really, I like to think if no one has that responsibility, they just say, well, That sounds like a good thing John could do. I also lead the nominating committee, so we do a lot of different things. I'm connected with a lot of different people. I certainly help with benevolence and really just support all the ministries here at First Baptist Church.

SPEAKER_01: 2:46

Well, that's a good bio of you, John. Would you start by telling us maybe a good parenting memory or a couple good parenting memories that you have?

SPEAKER_00: 2:59

Yeah, it's hard. I mean, you think about all the visits to the park or splash pad or zoo and all the fun things that happen but so often memories aren't like a planned memory like you wake up one day and you're like this is going to be the good memory day it doesn't often work that way and I think you know just especially when the kids are young there's different stages there's so many memories when I think about it could be birthday or the first lost tooth but I think one is about I think about training my children, training up a child in the way they should go. So I think about that. Discipline. And so I guess one would be kind of a general memory, and it happened often throughout, how God uses children for sanctification. And how I would discipline my child, could be Honor Josiah, and just say, hey, I've told you this So many times, why aren't you listening to me? And in my heart, in my mind, I just sense God saying, John, why don't you always listen to me? Be patient here. And so I think, man, a memory that's constant is how we need God in our parenting. And the Holy Spirit helps us as we parent, and he refines us as we help refine ourselves. our children, and we get to be a part of that process. So that's kind of a general memory. Another memory I have is really funny. When Lacey's away, I cook, and by cooking, that means I'm picking up a pizza or something. So I got pizza for dinner. It's just Anna and Josiah and I, and they're younger, and we start... talking and asking. They ask questions. We're having a good time at dinner. And they start asking questions about mommies and daddies and babies. And so I'm like, okay, I'll start answering these questions and not shy away. We've always done that with our kids. And they start asking how babies come to be. And so I'm here at the dinner table. Lacey's not even around. And I'm talking about how mommies and daddies have babies. And they're old enough to know body parts, and they understand some of this. But I look back at this moment, I thought, that moment is wild to think. I would not have planned having like a maybe eight or nine, maybe 10-year-old Ana was, but just I would have been six or seven. And we're going into specifics about how babies come to be and how God designed it. That just goes to show you, your memories aren't often planned memories. So those are a couple of good memories that come to mind when I think about parenting in the last 17 years.

SPEAKER_01: 6:00

Yeah, those are some good memories. Could you tell us about some hard times that you've had as a parent and how you have overcame them?

SPEAKER_00: 6:12

I think some of the hardest times are early on in parenting, and this is often because it's early on in marriage as well. It's two sinners married to one another, having little unrefined sinners thrown into the mix. And so it becomes kind of a stressful and hard time in ongoing ways. I mean, what could go wrong with that? A bunch of sinners living in the household together that are selfish and want their own way. I think the biggest thing to remember is to stay on the same page as husband and wife. So Lacey and I fighting to stay on the same page. If she would say something I disagreed with, I would wait at a right time to pull her aside. We'd talk about it and be like, hey, why did we do that? Why are we thinking that? And because you can abdicate responsibility sometimes as a father. If you're busy, maybe you're working and you're stressed out and hectic. And if you let yourself, you can just let... Oh, I'll just let Lacey parent. She'll be the one that parents. Well, that's not right. So I'm in on the decisions, but being on the same page with her is vital, is important. And so I think there's just a general... not specific, hard time, but being on the same page with your spouse is vital for that. And that you hash it out together, so that way you're not hashing it out in front of the kids, because they'll pick up on that and they'll be like, what's going on? And they're not realizing they're part of this being the stress in the marriage, but... They are contributing. They're needy. And if you're not willing to work together on it in the parenting, it becomes a mess pretty quickly. So we had to work that out over the first couple of years, especially parenting.

SPEAKER_01: 8:07

I like how you said that two centers together and then you throw more little centers in the mix. That was good. If you were going to go back in time... And tell yourself, before you had kids, some parenting advice, what would it be?

SPEAKER_00: 8:26

Yeah. And as a father, I'd say you must lead and be willing to put aside your downtime and your need for hobby time and be willing to sacrifice. I would have loved to have learned that earlier on and not pushed against it so much. Confession time... I'm a big sire at times. I'm not a big angry, explosive kind of guy, but there's this underlying murmuring, even sighing, where I'll just be like... And I'll do that. I find myself doing that when I'm stressed out, and I'll just keep doing that. My wife picks up on it, of course, and sometimes it's a discontentedness in my heart. And so I'm not, yeah, like I said, not a big yeller. I'm not hollering at the kids and Lacey, but I often sigh and am impatient. And that was often early on because I wasn't willing to sacrifice to the degree I needed to. I didn't lean into... God's call to lay down my life for my bride and then also to shepherd and guide my kids well. I would often fight for, well, I just need to do this. I need to go here. I need to have some quality me time. That's a lie. And it's actually not satisfying because in your heart as a dad, as a father, as a husband, you're feeling the need to help your family and lead your family. And And if you don't lean into the sacrificial part of that, you'll quickly become discontented and even like kind of broken inside. And I found that happening. And so that's one of those things I'd go back and tell myself, John, yes, you need time to vent. Yes, you need time and you need your own time. But if something has to give, the Father is the first to give it. I shouldn't be required of the mother first. The father's called to lead by God. And remember this daily. So that requires strength that is not your own. And so that required me as a father to dig in to the supply of infinite strength of God's. It wasn't my own strength daily. It was turning to him each day for my parenting, certainly for leading my family and leading Lacey. And then when things come your way, then what? Well, then I don't have to rely on my own strength. I turn to Him and say, God, what about this? Oh, Lord, I could use a day of rest. Help me get a good day of rest. And if that doesn't come, talking to God about that and certainly talking to Lacey about that too. So those are some of the things I think of when I look back on parenting and it's only been 17 years not a grandparent yet but someday lord willing that'll come if he tarries and uh i'll have that benefit of uh those golden years of grandparenting but the here and now i've had a great parenting journey so far and enjoying the teenage years i've really enjoyed every stage of parenting

SPEAKER_01: 11:37

that's really really good helpful advice and i I know I can benefit from that, and also all the listeners can benefit from that. I want to end on a little bit lighter note. Do you have a funny or a couple of your favorite funny parenting stories?

SPEAKER_00: 11:56

Yes. I mean, there's so many at different stages. I mean, I think of an early on one. Let me ask you a question. So I like sports. Are you a baseball fan?

UNKNOWN: 12:08

Yes.

SPEAKER_01: 12:09

I guess, I guess kind of, you know, I like to root for the Cardinals just to mess

SPEAKER_00: 12:15

with everybody else. That's right. That's right. So yeah, you and I both are not Kansas City Royal fans. Now we like them. I'm glad they win. It's fun. But I'm also a Minnesota Twins fan. Okay. Grew up in Minnesota. I love the Twins. So we're bringing Ana to her first Twins game. which she doesn't remember because she was born in May and we were going in like July or August. This is a few months in. So we're bringing her and she's wearing her cute little twins onesie. And the way you get to the park, at least from where we were, is an easy way is to take the light rail. And so we're on the light rail. It is jam-packed. We're young, so we're standing. There's older people sitting and people that just have need to sit. And we're standing. I'm holding on to the rail. And all of a sudden, Lacey's like, oh, no, John. I'm like, what? What's wrong? Anna had a blowout. And so all parents know that term, blowout, or you'll learn it pretty quickly. That's when the diaper doesn't contain... Everything. And so it blows out. And so it was up her back. It was out the sides. It was bad. And we're standing. What do you do? Well, this sweet, older couple they were probably in their early 80s they oh dear let me help you he gets up there's a kind of we make a little changing pad station right there lacy as a mom she's fully prepared she has an extra outfit all of these things and in the moment it was kind of stressful but when we look back on a funny moment of parenting like it was this moment of like hey is this first fun and then what are we going to do when a curveball comes our way Speaking of baseball, so we had a great time at the game. I don't remember if the Twins won or not, but the biggest memory there was this funny story of a big old mess and trying to roll with the punches. Looking back, that was a really funny memory, especially early on. That's

SPEAKER_01: 14:22

a good, funny memory, and that's a good note to end on. On behalf of all the listeners and myself, I want to thank you for being on the show today. thank you thank you for joining me i hope this was an encouragement to you please follow the show leave a review and share it with the people around you